Republican Sex

(Words by Sam Turner and Michael Kim Roos
Music by Michael Kim Roos; revised June-July 2025)

We’re just the way God made us,
No LGBTQ.
That’s called religious freedom,
It’s the old red, white, and blue.
There’s some who spread the message
And some just love to spread,
Some made for the kitchen,
And some made for the bed. 

It’s Republican sex,
Yes, it’s Republican sex.
It’s a walking contradiction,
Black is white and truth is fiction.
It’s Republican sex.

Fly out to Jeffrey’s island,
You’ll find a warm retreat.
We’ll satisfy your senses,
And we’ll keep it so discreet.
Just write it off your taxes,
Bring Whitey and the boys,
A hundred little angels 
And a boatload full of toys. 

It’s Republican sex.
Yes, it’s Republican sex,
My wife’s at home, she’s sewing
Pretending she’s unknowing.
It’s Republican sex. 

I found you in the alley.
I pulled you off the street.
I hid you in a closet
And fed you something sweet.
My rocket’s in my pocket.
I’ll love you half to death,
Then hand you to my partners,
RFK and Pete Hegseth. 

It’s Republican sex.
Yes, it’s Republican sex.
You’ll find it in the Bible.
It’s true, that ain’t no libel.
That’s Republican sex. 

My wife just had a baby.
So what? Don’t matter much.
I’ll grab you where you like it,
It’s your thing I long to touch.
I’ve watched you in your movies
And all those magazines,
A lumberjack, a lawyer,
And a company of marines. 

That’s Republican sex,
You got Republican sex.
Just like the Inquisition,
Assume the right position
For Republican sex. 

Cialis and Viagra,
Unlimited supply.
I’m younger than you’re thinking,
And I ain’t about to die.
How ‘bout we watch some Shark Week?
I’m bad, I need a spank.
I promise that I’ll pay you
With a loan from Deutsche bank. 

It’s Republican sex.
I want Republican sex.
You’re my exotic dancer.
Hypocrisy’s the answer
To Republican sex.

Yes, we’re the way God made us,
No LGBTQ.
We claim religious freedom
Just for us and not for you!
You say there’s laws against it
But not for oligarchs,
Like me and Musk and Bezos.
We’re the Great White Sharks. 

Give us Republican sex.
We want Republican sex.
It’s firmly autocratic,
Plutocratic and dogmatic.
It’s Republican sex. 

Let’s make it automatic,
Systematic, theocratic,
It’s Republican sex. 

Don’t be so bureaucratic,
Diplomatic, democratic,
It’s Republican sex. 

Copyright © 2020 by Sam Turner and Michael Kim Roos